We have shown you some pretty scary fashion shows over the past few months. However, this time we are concentrating on the fashion item we all love the most - shoes! Why do we love shoes, anyway? Because they always fit, no matter what we had for dessert last month (for the whole month). That being said, we have stumbled upon a line of footwear that no one should ever have to put on: Irregular Choice. That's right - that is the brand name, and rightly so. Oh, the horrors we found as we paged through the Zappos website, realizing the there are hundreds of styles in this line, each more hideous than the last! Let us begin with a few examples:
This is "Can Can" and worth every penny at $153.95! Oh wait - I thought that was what they were going to pay me NOT to wear them! If you care at all, they also come in red & white and black & white. I thought not.
This is "Tinkerbell" but I think even a fictional fairy would have better sense that to wear these. They are not exactly dainty. I think the Jolly Green Giant likes to dress in drag, and these are actually his.
This scary pair is "Princess" - of what country, I shudder to think.
Okay, even they could not come up with a name for this "boot" that is purported to be "Western-inspired." It only has a number - 2919-2D. Probably a code for "what were we thinking?" It is also said to have "sexy" square toes. Er, I don't think so, but could I have some of whatever the person who wrote the ad copy for this one was smoking? (It comes in white, too. Like you care.)
Here's another style that only has a number, and again, it comes in two other colors but since you do not want to go blind, I won't tell you what they are. It is also referred to as a "dress pump" - perhaps they are not entirely clear on the concept.
Here we have "Vamp"- All that's missing on these is clear heels. In a frightening reversal of all we know to be good and true, that would actually be an improvement.
Oh, wait, I know - if you want to be a big hit at the office party - wear your Barbarella boots!
Wow, this is trippy - I had NO idea that Carmen Miranda was still alive! These are only $29.95, too! I cannot imagine why they would be on sale...
Here we have "Haystack", which manages to be both weirdly trendy and unspeakably dowdy all at once. They are like the shoes your Aunt Frieda with the house that always smelled of mothballs wore to church.
For the outdoorsy crowd - this is "Snow Bunny." I have nothing to say - the picture speaks for itself, to my great sorrow.
All right, I think I just fell down the rabbit-hole with this model, called "Eat Up". I have no idea why these shoes exist. All the laws of Nature are being violated here.
You may visit the rest of the collection here, if you dare. It's a big site, and they have a lot of brands. That's nice, cuz you really need a different one than this.
