We warned you - we are committed to bringing you "fashion" reviews from the world of sports. Since the official Olympic-eligible season just kicked off this weekend with Skate America, we are paying tribute to a now-retired Ice Dance couple whose career was distinguished by some of the most astonishingly hideous and inappropriate costuming ever to startle an audience. May we present: Kati Winkler & Rene Lohse of Germany. Don't get us wrong, we adore them, and we understand that they are two of the nicest people you will ever meet. However, that being said, they did not know HOW TO DRESS THEMSELVES.
I assume this "Cabaret" number from 2000 was supposed to be sexy. Yeah, we love Rene' s greased-back hair - that's so hot. And those garters Kati is sporting - Sally Bowles would be so proud! She looks like a 3-dollar hooker. I know the girls in the show were supposed to look trashy, but I think this was a little bit too authentic.
This is a particular favorite of mine - their "Swingcombo" Original Dance from 2003-04. This is just about the most wretched plaid I have ever seen. It's a scary thought that they were able to find an exact match to Kati's blue dress in that jacket material.
Another view - ruffles too! (He is getting quite an interesting view as well....)
This is "Energy" from 2002-03. Complete with fake Punk spiky hair for Rene, tights over the skates for Kati, and a color combination only a robot could love. Electifying to be sure, but not what they were aiming for. I hope.
Is it just me or is Kati's come-hither look just a bit frightening here? You don't often see an ice skater in danger of a nip slip, but bless her, it's all just hangin' out.
This is a more "conventional" old-fashioned ballroom style costume from the 2002-03 season compulsories. Kati's dress looks like a combination of every cruel bridesmaid's gown ever made, and Rene seems to be doing a Hugh Grant-on-crack impression.
This "number" is "Time Goes Millennium" at the 2001 Grand Prix final; the program was introduced in the 1999-2000 season. All I have to say is that I think I hear Salvador Dali and Hieronymus Bosch both spinning in their graves.
Finally, two views (and two versions!) of the all-time FUGLIEST Ice Dance costumes ever, in lovely dirt-smudged ballpark mustard yellow. This is their "Gospel - Message of Hope" program from the 2000-01 season. Picture it - two extremely white Germans skating to American Black gospel music in costumes meant to evoke slavery. Note their stylin' ROPE BELTS. And ya gotta love those suspenders. When I saw this for the first time my jaw just dropped. I knew that bad taste came with the Ice Dance world, but this was beyond words. The audience was supposed to feel all spiritual and uplifted for this number, but it's hard to get religion when you're laughing so hard it hurts.
Kati and Rene are no longer competing as Olympic-eligible skaters, but be forewarned; they still skate in exhibition ice shows from time to time, so if you see them on the roster be sure to bring your sunglasses (or a welding mask) with you to the show to avoid being blinded by their splendor.
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