Catty Comments

Skate America fashion review

A quick review of bad skating "fashion" for the 2007-2008 competitive season. Bad skating fashion (aka "eurotrash" or "dressing like a 10-ruble Russian whore") is a combination of the following:

• Trailing chiffon
• Asymetrical
• Cutouts
• Plaid
• Flesh paneling
• Gloves
• Animal print
• Depictions of animals
• Neon
• Mesh
• Gold skate blades
• Dripping with glitter/sequins

For instance, gloves alone don't make a Russian whore. Just ask Mr. Lysacek:

But a single glove representing a #$*&ing swan encompasses animal depiction, gloves, and asymmetrical, combined with cutouts and mesh, will ensure that you will look like a Russian whore AND parodied in a Will Farrell film:

AHAHAH - Point Break Live!

Saw this, had to share.

Point Break LIVE!, the absurdist stage adaptation of the 1992 Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze extreme-sports blockbuster, tells the story of former college football star Johnny Utah (Reeves in the film), as he pursues the surfing, bankrobbing, skydiving, bare-hand-fighting, adrenaline junkie cum Zen Master, Bodhi Sattva. The Brechtian blockbuster, which garnered a "Seattle P-I Best of Seattle 2004" award during its run in the Northwest, features armed robbery, big-wave surfing, car chases, explosions, and no less than two extended skydiving sequences. Best of all, you could be the next Johnny Utah... the starring role of Keanu will be selected at random from the audience each night, and will read their entire script off of cue-cards. This method manages to capture the rawness of a Keanu Reeves performance, even from those who generally think themselves incapable of acting.

"The worse it gets, the better it gets. Sensationally idiotic."
-- Seattle P-I Theatre Review

The show is now closed - here's to hoping that some theatre with a great sense of camp puts it on sometime soon!

There's catty and then there's...

Johnny Weir. Holy cow! All I can say is - keep up the truth AND the sass, girlfriend! He answers all fan questions, good and bad, on his website. Thankfully for us, he answers it VERY directly.

from Aysha

Q: Hi Johnny! First off, I love you and your style of skating. My question is; having been friends with Tanith Belbin for a while, do you feel weird hanging out with her now because of her relationship with Evan, since you and he are rivals? I hope not, because she seems like a really fun and nice person and I don't understand why they're together but whatever. Anyway you are a much better skater than Evan, always have been, always will be and I hope their relationship isn't getting in the way of your friendship with her.

A: I was a little shocked about their situation when I realized what was going on last year, but it's fine. Tanith is a chameleon and can change her personality to match her boyfriend or friends. She's always been like that, not exactly in a bad way, unless I don't like her boyfriend. It's not really my business what she and Evan do, but I do wish she acted the way she did a few years ago. In general we're still cordial.

from Margret

Q: Hey Johnny!! You are one amazing inspiration to me, in and out of skating.... So thank you, just for being you!!  I even met you once! I have a picture. But - to my question. What do you think of Michelle Kwan? And, how did you feel about her pulling out of the Olympics?? Thanks... Hugs!

A: I think she did what was right for her at the time and that it was smart. She made her own decision. I don't know Michelle like a best friend and I haven't seen her since Champions On Ice this year in Denver, but she is adjusting well to her new life in college. She yelled at me last year for not going to meet President Bush at the White House, so I didn't like that, but otherwise she's always been very cool.

19-year-old mayor still typical teenager

It's typical to be a 19-year-old who hacks into his friend's AOL & mySpace accounts and changes the passwords. And send e-mails in his name. But it's not typical when you're one of the youngest mayors in the US. And your friend, also 19, was your campaign manager.

Now we know!

Okay people, we already know that Posh & Becks are a very odd couple; after all, he looks so healthy most of the time, being an athlete and all, and she looks like - well, let's just say, she has brought new meaning to the term "well-preserved", seemingly existing on a diet of pickle juice and lemons (if her usual expression is any indication), which also has the power to tan your hide to a burnished sheen in the process. His fashion sense is as metrosexual as it gets, but never effeminate (though the rumor mill is always swirling around the question of his actual "preferences" like it does with any pretty boy), while hers is simply bizarre most of the time. To wit:

Sometime I think she just opens up her copy of Alice In Wonderland every morning in order to decide what to wear. One really wonders what keeps these two crazy kids together.

Recently some light was shed on the subject via the appearance (or should I say apparition?) of Posh at a public event dressed in this:

I think I saw her shrug is actually shrugging in bewilderment.

Now, I am as open-minded as the next person when it comes to fashion, but when she got the invitation, surely it mentioned that it was in fact a PUBLIC appearance? This is not only boudoir attire, but extremely naughty as well. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) The shocking part is how hard-edged she looks, and I suddenly realized - omigod, Posh is the world's worst beard! The job of the beard, as I understand it, is to maintain a convincing enough fiction that you and your spouse/partner are both straight, and to quell any rumors to the contrary. This is NOT helping, as she seems to have come out to the world as a very kinky girl who is auditioning for a spot on The L Word just in case this woman leaves the show and the producers start looking for someone else to play the butch girl role. Last year, she also wore this getup:

I didn't get it back then, but I am a little slow on the uptake sometimes. Way to keep a lid on those whispers about Becks, dearie! I guess you are co-beards now. (Is that even a word? Well, it is now.) The sad part is, I don't think anyone would care if they both dropped the act. They are both famous and powerful enough to survive a media frenzy - they live in one most of the time anyway.

(Note: Images are via our beloved Go Fug Yourself - see sidebar link.)

Great Darwin honorable mention for 2007...

Another dumbass who is immediately in consideration for a Darwin Honorable Mention this year. Because a MySpace photo is a great reason to fall 75 feet down a cliff.

Only honorable mention because, of course, you must DIE to be consider a full award winner.

How big are the fans?

The fans are BIG, down home at Big Ass Fans. Yes, it is an actual fan store, in Kentucky.

PETTING the shark - even better than jumping the shark

Link to SHARK PETTING ZOO is from FARK.

Slow Food Movement catty SHOWDOWN!

Just when I thought the Slow Food Movement couldn't be more fairy tale and downright boring (happy farmers gently chauffeuring their harvested jewels to the Ferry Building Farmers Market), along comes some spice in the rub, courtesy of the ever-entertaining SF Chronicle.

It turns out that the founder of the Slow Food Movement, Carlo Petrini, dissed the Ferry Building Farmer's Market. The holy shrine temple of the slow food movement in North America. And he dissed the farmers at the market. This wasn't an offhand remark - he immoralized these words in his new book. Co-written by Bay Area legend and Ferry Building supporter Alice Waters. Which made a scheduled book signing event at Book Passages in the Ferry Building a teensy bit uncomfortable, and therefore it was cancelled.

And Carlo will be back. Did I mention the giant international Slow Food Movement event that SF is hosting next May? This will be very interesting to watch...

It's about time someone took the ice cream truck outta the old & creepy...

And into the cool and hip! Thanks Heartschallenger and Heartsrevolution!!! From Daily Candy:

"Hail it down at street corners for Mexican fruit bars, Russian teddy bear bars, Italian spumoni slices, Pixy Stix, fudgesicles, and kosher bubble gum. Or hire the ridiculously adorable vehicle for a birthday bash or block party, and let guests clamor for yo-yos, paper fans, and indie-band paraphernalia.

The whiz and driver behind the West Coast hit, Leyla Safai, plays her own electronic music over the PA system and plans to take the van (and her band) on tour in Europe after hitting up Fashion Week and the CMJ Fest."

Celebrating NY Times cattiness

Bwhahahah!!! From this article regarding the state of the sitcoms on network television:

"This year’s pilots also include CBS’s “Up All Night,” set in a 24-hour diner (think “Cheers”), NBC’s “I’m With Stupid,” set in a mismatched apartment share (think “The Odd Couple”), and ABC’s “Carpoolers,” set in the world of carpooling (think of changing the channel)."

A must-read for anyone involved in the arts today - NY Times article

This article, published yesterday in the NY Times, is a fabulous example of marketing in the 21st century - internet-based, self-promotion, and not only putting your art out there as a brand, but your individual personality as well.

Too many times I meet aspiring musicians & performance artists who want to make it *big*. And somehow, they want to sit around and passively be discovered, as if they were a 14-year-old Naomi Campbell or Kate Moss in the streets of London. So many excellent, undiscovered artists put all their time into securing local gigs every now and then, happy to play to less than 20 people in a local dive club, instead of adapting to the internet.

Oh, and if you don't have a free NY Times account, quit whining and go get one.

Warriors/Jazz series - hair apparent

Many thanks to Peter Hartlaub's article in today's SF Chronicle about the hair matchups for the Warriors/Jazz series.

Now all we need is for Paul Lukas' UniWatch to cover the fashion for this important post-season series, and we in the bay area can rest easy.

Cate needs a sammie

Someone feed Cate! Quickly! We can't have one of the greatest actresses of our time down to a pile of bones, as if she was snorting as much coke as Ms. Lohan...

Where the @#$! do I live?

Seriously, many other people in San Francisco have it far worse than I do. All I have is live in an old, established neighborhood that can't figure out what it's called. Bordered by Pine, Taylor, O'Farrell and Hyde streets, it's generally called either:
- Theatre district
- Lower Nob Hill
- TenderNob (between the Nob Hill neighborhood and the Tenderloin)

And now, according to the latest Personality Hotels e-mail, I now live in:

- Nob-Low

I vote either Theatre district or TenderNob, although I can live with any of the four. I just want *one* to emerge. I want my cool little dense neighborhood to have an outward identity to the rest of the world. Whenever someone asks me where I live, I currently first reply "by Union Square", even though my location and apartment feel much more like an actual neighborhood than Saks Fifth Avenue.

Nostradamus Alert!

Oh, WHO would've thought that THIS could happen?!

But hey - at least now people can't get down on us when we refer to Mr. Doherty as a crackhead. Because, well, he is.

Yay SF Chron - covering the reign of Conan

Thanks as always to the Chron's fabulous TV columnist, Tim Goodman, for his hilfarious wrap-up of Conan O'Brien's opening night in San Francisco.

Another Darwin nominee, from China

I'm trying to feel bad for the poor kid in Beihai, China from this article, but all I can think is:

1. Why would you hold such hatred toward reptiles,
2. Why would you ENTER a crocodile pen to show the crocodiles how much you hate them,
3. Why would you hold so little vaule for your own life and so little fear of freaking CROCODILES at only nine years old,
4. Why would the authorities kill the croc after all was said & done for letting the Darwinism run its course?! The croc wasn't doing anything. It was just sitting around, when complete idiot kids broke into its home, taunted & beat him with sticks, then threw rocks at him. At some point, croc's gotta do what a croc's gotta do.

Proof that Utah really, really is that cool.

How drunk was Jason Wahler?

Doh. Words cannot describe. How does someone get so drunk that they can't even tell what race the person is that they're insulting? Seriously?

Bright side - I think Lindsay & Britney have found a new hunk to fight over in their AA meetings...